The Snape Chronicles
by Le Chat Qui Garde La Lune
Summary: Snape's Diary. Not a girl thing. It will one day be the greatest book ever written! Please R/R What will one day be...The Snape Chronicles.


A/N: If you don't like Snape, you're not welcome here. Please review, but heed a simple warning. Flames will be used to set the Gryffindor Quidditch team's broomsticks on fire. PG-13 for use of language. 

Disclaimer: I own nothing, save the plot and Erisus. But you don't know who that is yet now do you?

31st August 

I received this journal from mother tonight as a going-away present. It's a magical diary. It won't write back to me like those sissy girls' journals, but instead will swallow my secrets and will not divulge them unless I Severus Sernical Snape will it to. All I have to do is say 'Keep my secrets safe.' And it will lock for me. Out of respect to mother I suppose I will write in it at least once a month. This diary will be later known as The Chronicles of Severus Snape. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating, but maybe I'm not. I'll be great someday, I know it. Tomorrow it all starts, tomorrow I embark on "The most important journey of my life." As father calls it, and I suppose he is right. Though he has already taught me almost all the curses, hexes, jinxes, etc. that I could possibly learn for about the first 3 years (though he swears they will serve me through all 7 but I don't believe him). Father also told me that I must choose my friends, and my enemies carefully, as when I choose them on the train, or at school tomorrow, it will be for life. He also warned me that if he found out that I befriended, or said a nice word to a mudblood of my own will that he would kill me. I believe him, father can turn very nasty when he's angry. Well I'd better go to bed, it's 10 o'clock and I have to get up bloody early tomorrow to catch the stupid train. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

1st September 

I'm on the bloody train and already I've made only friends, no enemies. My friends are Jonathan Avery, and Romulus Lupin. Lupin has a brother named Remus whom he says is sickly, and a sissy. He likes to pick on him and he says that one day it's his destiny to kill him, and he can't wait for that day. When I asked him to explain he said only that Romulus and Remus were the founders of Rome. They were twins with no parents (just as the Lupin's are) they were raised by a wolf. Eventually Romulus killed Remus and built the city of Rome. Romulus also said that Remus was bitten by a wolf when he was about three. Not exactly motherly-like but close enough right? I'm sure eventually Romulus will follow his destiny. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

1st September –Later

The castle is huge. Our house Prefect Lucius Malfoy said that there are 142 staircases. The food here is good, and when you bang the goblets they make a lot of noise. Conclusion? The place has been deemed satisfactory. I was sorted into Slytherin, obviously. I think I had almost forgotten when I dreamed of being a Gryffindor when I was young. The only thing wrong is, there's a mudblood in our house. She's a first year too and her name is Lily Evans. She's a pretty mudblood really, but I'm not about to risk being nice to her, especially with father's threat hanging over my head. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

1st October

I take it back. I now have enemies. Three enemies, four if you count the muggle girl. Last night for a spot of fun Romulus, Jonathan and I went and "tortured" the mudblood till she told us what we wanted to know. I would like to be honest and say that we knew exactly what we wanted to ask her, but we didn't. We just asked her simple, dumb questions; it was a waste of time in my opinion. She told us that her grandmother was a witch, and that her father had received a Hogwarts letter, but thought it a practical joke and refused. We learned little else. That stupid fool Avery wasted our time. Oh well. Oh yes one more thing, someone caught us. We have detention for the next two months, and 100 points from Slytherin. Sort of harsh in my opinion, but at least we're not suspended or expelled. Mother and Father are in Germany working for their master Voldemort, and I know that I would be driven mad in ten minutes by all the blasted elves taking care of the manor while they are away. My other three enemies are these stupid geeks in either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, I'm not sure which. Yesterday they proceeded to put what feels like ten gallons of 'Sleazky's hair grease' that 'replenishes every morning!' Into my hair. So far it won't wash out. Maybe I'll wear a hat to cover it. I'll get them back for this I know I will. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

3rd October

Dumbledore, the new Headmaster has ordered a re-sort for the mudblood. He said that once in every thousand years the sorting hat malfunctions, a fluke. (A/N: I know that in CoS it says that the hat's never been wrong yet but for the purposes of this story it has kk? Good.) He says that since Salazaar Slytherin valued the morals of ambition, and favored, how did he put it, more, 'seasoned' wizarding families. Anyway the mudblood's in Gryffindor with the three who gave me the hair grease. Which still won't wash out by the way. All for now, I'm too disgusted to write. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

31st October

Today was Hallowe'en and I just pulled the best prank ever! I, Severus Snape personally had an owl delivered to James Potter with my broomstick inside of it. I'm not a dolt, don't worry, my owl's trained to bring it back to me tonight. I had the house elves send it to me from the manor. That's all for tonight, not much else to say. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

4th November

Drat those confounded elves! Why do they have to go putting my name on everything? Yes, James Potter apparently found out it was my broom because the f*cking elves had my name etched on it. Anyway I don't know what he'll do, but I'm sure it's awful. He dropped a note about it in my school bag. It says:

__

Greasebag**,**

Snape, you slimy little git, I'd watch out if I were you. We wouldn't want anything to happen to you now would we?

I kept writing him back responses by owl. It follows as such:

**__**

My Dear Mr. Potter.

I've no idea what you are on about, and I've one thing to say to you

His next note said:

O Brainless one,

Next time you try to get me into trouble by sending a broomstick, or whatever else make sure it doesn't have your name on it.

****

Most Insulting Mr. Potter.

Bring it on. I wish to inform you that I am in no way offended for I know that you are under the misfortune of having mental difficulties, I take offense in no way. 

Greaseball,

Why you inferiorating little prat! I'll blast you into next week! Just you wait 'till Potions.

****

Mr. Potter,

I highly doubt that. 

Greasebag,

Fine then. Wizards duel, 9 o'clock tonight, trophy room. P.S. Wash your hair. 

****

Mr. Potter,

I'll be there. And for you information the grease won't wash out because of what you did.

Greaseball,

Fine, see you then. I suppose next time I shall have to think about the consequences of my actions. Next time I'll have to sit and think at what I'll have to look at day-and-day out. I should have done that this time. It wasn't worth it.

I didn't send a response. I asked Madam Pomfery the matron, she said the grease probably won't wash out for about 6 months at least. I was sure that they'd try to dump a tub on me again. After what James said I'm not so sure. I hope he doesn't or I'll have to watch out for jugs over my head for the rest of my life. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

5th November

Well I certainly got the better of James Potter! At first I thought he didn't show up but it turned out that his second Black somethingerother. Had almost gotten caught. Anyway I stunned him and threw him into the pond. Which woke him up, but still I had a chance to inflict some pretty nasty curses I did. I might write more later. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

5th November- Later

Well I never! Potter is going around saying that he stunned me and threw me into the pond. It's a good thing Professor McGonagall heard him. He's got detention for a month and a half! I also, unfortunetly get a weeks time for dueling, but still. Just because a couple of girls are following him around Potter's head gets so swelled you can't fit him through a doorway without shoving it. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

25th November

Christmas in a month! Oh yes, that reminds me. Remember Lucius Malfoy? He's our house prefect. Well anyway he'd been seeing this girl Narcissa Jenkins. Anyway he's going to ask her to marry him Christmas Eve. I suppose they're both staying here. I'm still debating whether to go home to the elves or stay here. Mother and Father say that they can't be bothered to come and pick me up, then drop me off again since they're all the way in Germany. Anyway I think Potter and his little friends are staying here so this Christmas might turn out to be some fun. Anyway Malfoy's father and my father are both working for the same bloke. His name is Voldemort. Apparently he's going to be very powerful someday. Even the Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is afraid of him. It's quite funny. Anyway there's this whole thing how "Death Eaters" as they're called must marry other Death Eaters, or at least Slytherin purebloods. Anyway Narcissa's father is very high up in that circle so Malfoy's snatched Narcissa, and Father wants me to marry her sister Eva. I'm supposed to meet her next Christmas when Malfoy (if everything goes as planned) will marry Narcissa. I'm only eleven and Lucius will be eighteen and out of Hogwarts by his wedding date. So I suppose I don't have to worry. I just hope that if I do have to marry Eva, she doesn't look like Narcissa. Though Narcissa's what people call a natural beauty she still looks as if someone has just thrust fresh dung under her nose. Maybe I'll do it one day as a joke. I don't think her face could get any more pinched. I'll have to do it when Lucius isn't around though, or else he'd kill me. Keep my secrets safe, Severus.

****

A/N: Oh well, I had that nicely done, it just didn't load correctly. I'll edit it later. Please R/R Remember my 'no-flame' policy!

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